A relationship is a social connection we share with others. Our relationships can include friends, family, dating partners, classmates, teammates and more. Relationships of any type can occur on a spectrum, from healthy to unhealthy to abusive. Knowing how to recognize healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships is an important skill.

What words come to mind when you think of healthy relationships? Words like respect, communication, honesty, equality, individuality and safety represent healthy relationships.

By respecting each other, you recognize each other's values and accept each other's boundaries. Teens in relationships can show care by sharing their thoughts and feelings and listening to what the other person has to say. Topics teens can share with each other can include sports, music or movies—whatever helps to get past any awkward feelings and get to know each other better.

Communication includes both talking and listening. You should be able to tell the other person your ideas and boundaries (and vice versa). If you do have a disagreement—and it's OK to disagree—you both get to say what you want, talk until you're both happy, and then go enjoy what you've planned.

Beyond being able to communicate, teens should be able to trust their partner and feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and dreams without worrying that information will be shared with other people. Teens deserve to feel safe and respected, and that includes respecting their privacy.

Equality in relationships means no one has more power in the relationship than the other while individuality means both partners should be able to maintain their own interests, friends, etc. without having to change them for the other person. People are more attractive to each other if they have other interests. It's important that teens keep up with schoolwork, friends and the activities they enjoy that do not involve their partner.

Most crucially, teens should feel safe in their relationships. Feeling fear in a relationship is never OK. Relationships are supposed to make both people feel happy (at least most of the time). People should feel good about what happens when they are together. But every relationship, like all areas of life, can have ups and downs. These fluctuations are a natural part of the journey and can provide a chance for growth, reflection and strengthening in the relationship. During challenging times, it's especially important for the people in the relationship to show the traits outlined above. It is only natural for people to disagree. The important thing is how you reach an agreement. With a good attitude, you can have a healthy disagreement.

Defining an unhealthy relationship can be difficult. Feelings of fear, stress and sadness are not part of a healthy relationship. Obviously, any sort of violence is not acceptable. But other forms of unhealthy relationships may not be as obvious. Sometimes things that feel like a normal relationship - like talking to a partner every day - can quickly lead to something harmful like a partner texting every hour and getting upset if there isn’t an immediate response. Another example would be a partner buying an item of clothing for you – a healthy gift - versus telling their partner what they should or should not wear, an unhealthy expectation.

Signs of unhealthy relationships in teens include a lack of respect for each other, controlling behavior, feeling held back, being blamed for partner’s problems, and feeling jealous or “crazy in love."

What about when a relationship becomes abusive? There are some things that should never happen in a relationship. Any relationship has serious problems if any of the following things are happening: verbal abuse, screaming, bullying, physical violence or the threat of such, and attempts to control a partner’s behavior such as telling them who they can or can't talk to or checking their phone or social media without permission.

Sexual assault is another very clear sign of an abusive relationship. We ALWAYS have the right to refuse attention or affection, EVEN if you have engaged in that behavior before, or if you change your mind partway through.

These actions are about power, not love. Healthy relationships are built on trust and respect—not control.

If a teen finds themselves in an abusive relationship or their boundaries have been crossed, the behavior needs to stop right away or the relationship needs to end. If they are having trouble ending a relationship, they should seek the help of a trusted adult who cares about their well-being.

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Paula Cody, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Adolescents and Young Adults. She is an Associate Professor of Pediatrics and the Medical Director and Section Head of Adolescent Medicine at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health

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